So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
