Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
