There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
