watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
