I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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