We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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