Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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