I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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