1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
