I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
