dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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