dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
