i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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