okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
