I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
