I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
