dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
