I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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