saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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