I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
