the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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