Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
