Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
