Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
