we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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