I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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