In the future we'll all be gay
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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