New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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