all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
