She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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