Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
