I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Randomize
