I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
