apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
