I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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