3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize