We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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