I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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