so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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