I got chris browned last night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
