I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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