how can u be prego again
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
