That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
