I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
