She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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