Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
