she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
