We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
