Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
