I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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