let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize