Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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