Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't deserve a penis
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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