his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
