I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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