it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
