thus making me awesome and them whores
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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