I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
