Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
