no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
