East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
