Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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