I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
