I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
