Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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