Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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