Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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