Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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