I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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