FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
