I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
