Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
