im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
